28 Ways To Tell If You're A Fishing Fanatic

You know you've got the fishing bug bad if...

February 1, 2005

' You toss aside the Victoria's Secret catalog to check out the one from Bass Pro Shops.

' You tell your fishing buddy, 'Hold on, I've almost got him in' when he is having a heart attack.

' You reason that a 90 percent chance of severe thunderstorms actually means that there is a 10 percent chance of having really excellent fishing weather.

' Your mailbox is a giant fiberglass bass.

' Your spouse has to drag you out of bed at 8 a.m. to go to work, but you can wake up at 4:30 a.m. on weekends without an alarm clock.

' The best knife in your house says Rapala on it.

' Someone says they have had a real tragedy in the family and you think they broke their Ambassador 5000.

' Your boat costs more than your house.

' You have more nicks and cuts on your hands ' from fishhooks, fish spines and filleting ' than someone who hand-captures bobcats for a living.

' You have more than 20 of any one lure in the same color.

' Your hair still has a hat dent in it even after you shampoo and blow dry.

' Your cat likes hanging out with you because of the smell.

' You look back over the last month and realize that you have kissed a bass (in celebration ala Bill Dance) more times than you have smooched your spouse.

' You have named more than one fish swimming free in your lake.

' You have any dogs or kids named Shakespeare, Zebco or Daiwa.

' You have considered becoming a teacher ' even though you can't stand kids ' so you can fish every day during the summer.

' You have more fishing rods than socks or underwear without holes in them.

' Your idea for the honeymoon cruise was a weeklong head boat fishing excursion with 25 other anglers.

' When your spouse asks if you are planning on going fishing this coming weekend, you laugh and say, 'Good one Honey.'

' You can tie a Bimini twist when drunk and blindfolded, but your Windsor tie knot looks like a snake that ate a gopher.

' When you die and you're at the Pearly Gates, St. Peter asks if you want to enter the Kingdom of Heaven, and you ask, 'How's the fishing?'

' Your outboard motor goes in for a preventive checkup more often than you do.

' Your entire leisure wardrobe consists of two Guy Harvey fish T-shirts, a ratty pair of shorts with pockets everywhere, and one pro bass 'billboard' fishing shirt signed by Roland Martin that you are afraid to wash.

' You have a yardstick tattooed on your arm that highlights various legal fish lengths.

' You are the one sitting in the last pew at church wearing a hat festooned with lures, holding an upright fishing rod.

' You've eaten so many fish that have mercury in them you can tell the temperature without a thermometer.

' Your spouse says 'It's either me or fishing' and your reply is a prolonged humming sound.

' You have read this column and said, 'Doesn't everybody?'