Tides For Two

There are few things more romantic than time spent on board your boat, as long as you follow these tips.

by Dave Kelley

February 1, 2005

'The Owl and the Pussycat went to sea
In a beautiful pea-green boat,
They took some honey, and plenty of money,
Wrapped up in a 5-pound note.'
' Edward Lear

The Owl and the Pussycat are the archetypal onboard romantics. They fall in love, they set sail 'for a year and a day,' they get married where the Bong-tree grows, where they eat mince and dance by the light of the moon. Could it get any better? No way. And so, for the past 135 years, we've been trying to replicate that exquisitely romantic tale of mismatched lovers. Although not entirely successful, the combination of water, waves and woo goes together like beans and rice or green eggs and ham. There's just something about spending time alone ' just the two of you ' in the middle of a dark, gently rocking body of water, while the moon shines down, that spells, well, romance. But even under those most auspicious conditions, there are a few steps you can take to make a good thing even better.

When you boil it down, a romantic cruise isn't really dependent upon how big and fancy your boat is, or how exotic the locale ' although, honestly, a trip to Bali on a $3 million yacht trumps just about anything. A truly romantic cruise is about eliminating all the day-to-day hassles and worries so that it's just you and someone you really care about, far from the maddening crowd.

Look at the Owl and the Pussycat. They took nothing but a guitar, some jack, and snacks, and they were deliriously happy. Because, really, that's all it takes. When you break it down, the most romantic aspect of a romantic cruise is solitude, the elimination of all distractions, so that it's just you, your most special someone, the water, and the moon. That's the first tip, the overriding rule: Leave everything else behind.

True romance means really focusing on the person you're with, being completely in the moment with that person in that place, and the only way to do that is to get rid of distractions. That's one reason why boats are so romantic. Unless you do something stupid, like not turning off your cell phone and then answering it if it rings, you've achieved the primary goal of romance ' focusing exclusively on the one you're with.

Of course, there's more to it than simply eliminating distractions. Part of romance ' and part of focusing ' is to be aware of and responsive to the desires of your partner. So even if fishing is your raison d''tre, if your beloved hates the sight of tackle, don't even bring it up. Conversely, if you're mad about an angling fool and hate fish yourself, if you want to bring the love, bring the tackle and get enthusiastic about cleaning fish. Really. It'll pay off later, because even though you don't realize it, your beloved knows all too well when you're going the extra nautical mile to satisfy his or her desires.

This doesn't mean you have to completely subsume your desires, however. You can't be romantic unless you're relaxed and happy, and that means satisfying at least a few of your desires right from the get-go. Splurge. If you like champagne, buy an extra-good bottle for the nights you'll be anchored down. If you're happy, you're more likely to make someone else happy.

Food and drink, of course, are major components of any romantic endeavor, and even more so during a cruise. The key here is that less, much less, is much, much more. Even if you have your own show on the Food Network, don't spend all day in the galley preparing a huge, heavy dinner. Light nibbles are the way to go. Cheeses and crusty bread are classics, especially if you add a few grapes and slices of apples and pears. Snack your way through the cruise, and you'll be happy.

Eating will make you thirsty, so bring appropriately matched beverages, and bring the good stuff. Drinking romantically means trading quantity for quality, so spend a few extra bucks, and get the really, really good stuff. It's impressive, it tastes better, and you're only going to have a couple of glasses, so fill them with the best stuff you can afford.

A glass or two of the good stuff tends to bring out the DJ in everyone, but if you're going for romance, don't try to impress your intended with your awesome taste in esoteric music. This isn't a voyage of musical discovery, so be smart and fill the CD player with your partner's favorite tunes. You have your whole life to listen to the noise you call music ' if you show a little thoughtfulness and play the songs that make your partner sing, harmony will rule the waters. Really. And you can always play that obscure garage rock CD when you wake up tomorrow.

At some point, the food, the drink, the music, the waves, and the moon will conspire to make a swim all but unavoidable. The key here: Don't avoid it. In fact, suggest it. There's absolutely, positively nothing more romantic than nightswimming. Just break out the robes ' chenille is preferred, but the thickest imaginable terrycloth will work ' and ask if your partner would care to join you, and jump in. And remember that you have to be the first back in the boat to offer a robe and cup of hot coffee, tea or cocoa to your partner, before you settle in for the night.

And when you get back to port, don't forget the flowers. Yeah, it's clich'd, but it's also way romantic. Besides, it just might get you another cruise, and that's what romance is all about.

5 Mood-Killing Mistakes to Avoid

No matter how perfectly the stars are aligned, if you do any of these, your voyage of romance will quickly hit the rocky shoals of reality.

' Making Calls On A Cell Phone. You're not there to talk to anyone but the person on board with you. Leave the mobile at home ' or at least turn it off ' just this once.

' Using Bad Puns. Don't make any 'witty' nautical double entendres. Just don't. If you do, you deserve the beating you'll soon be receiving.

' Bringing The Cheese. Put 'Barry White's Greatest Make-Out CD Ever' on the player, and serve some cheap pseudo-champagne as soon as the sun sets, and you'll soon be returning to port ' alone. And unless your name's Groucho, stop waggling your eyebrows.

' Overindulging. Champagne is sweet, wine is fine, whiskey is the water of life, and beer is a gift, but their effects are magnified exponentially by wind, sun and wave action, so even though you're having a great time, go easy on the spirits ' it's highly unromantic to lose your dinner over the transom.

' Wearing A Speedo. Unless you have an Olympic gold medal as an accoutrement, be certain that you leave the Speedo at home, and dress to impress. ' D.K.